he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
