haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
