You're my little dorito
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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