maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
