i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
