He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
