There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
