yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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