the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
someone owes me an orgasm
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
