life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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