the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
