The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
