so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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