3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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