so that wasnt chicken after all
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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