Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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