well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
