It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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