I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We are two peas in an std pod
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
