Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
