I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
