Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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