Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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