coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
