If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Text me some of your sweat
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
