dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
