super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
