How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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