Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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