I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
