Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
