He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
