Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
