I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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