She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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