you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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