I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
