im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
