I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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