Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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