Princesses don't give blow jobs
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sobbing to NWA
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
