I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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