i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
