We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i've created a new STD.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
