Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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