So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
