Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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