I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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