did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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