i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did I show you my penis last night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
