Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
