my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
