So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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