thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
