my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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