you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
