my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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