So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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