I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
