it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
