well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
