Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
