I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
