Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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