i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
