forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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