He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
