The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
