More tranny stories later!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
