finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
