Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
