You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
