You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
