6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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